Cronehood may be defined as a woman who stands on the other side of menopause often seen as the wise women archetype in life. I do not wish to present myself as wise, but maybe more reflective as I have come to realise the dramatic impact the menopause has had on my being.
Fighting a chronic pain condition, you can’t see is a challenge in itself, but then add in the possibility of becoming perimenopause and then menopausal into the mix and that really takes it to another level. It is only since the media and celebrity spotlight is being shone on the menopause and everyone is talking about it and sharing their experience, that it has been possible to relate it to my own health.
A few years ago, outside a house was a basket of books, in it a book on the menopause, my friend suggested that I may need that book soon. It was then that it dawned on me, I felt myself emerging out of the shadows into a realisation that I was already there. This came as a bit of a surprise to both of us when they asked, did you not have any hot flushes or anything? I realised some of my symptoms relating to fibromyalgia had altered, softened and dissolved away. I was feeling less pain, had more energy and my general well-being greatly improved, I recalled I had not had a period for a couple of years, I just hadn’t noticed.
When Fibromyalgia came into my life 10 years ago, it was while I was also maybe perimenopausal. Being in my early 40’s and still hoping to have a family having already experienced a complicated miscarriage, the menopause was far from my mind, yet it crept up on me silently taking away motherhood and drawing me towards cronehood. It came unnoticed at first, but now I recognise the signs, the similar symptoms also associated with Fibro. I was changing and moving into another phase of my life one that I was not ready for and one that I was uninformed about.
I recognise that Fibromyalgia was probably trauma-induced due to events happening in my life at that time, but at no point during my diagnosis or treatment were my hormone levels checked or my menstrual health enquired about. It is almost like a big mystery the unspoken part that lurks in the shadows, even now I have been left to join up the dots to make sense of what happened.
With Fibro came a whole load of symptoms, widespread chronic pain, depression, anxiety, sleep disturbance, brain fog, chronic fatigue, extreme sensitivity to light, noise, touch and even foods, unable to regulate my temperature giving me hot flushes and night sweats, the psychological impact of massive mood swings and a suppressed immune system. My periods had become erratic and often resulted in flooding which would cause extreme embarrassment if I was away from home. Some days the symptoms were worse than others and this may now have been down to the fluctuation in my hormones. Some but not all, of these symptoms, may be familiar to anyone who has fibromyalgia or a similar chronic pain condition as well as those who are perimenopausal or menopausal.
The symptoms have impacted my life tremendously I was unable to go to work for 6 months, luckily for me, I had an understanding and supportive employer, although when I returned to work it was on a part-time basis and I found it very challenging. It took so much effort to work a few days, that in the time I wasn’t there, I was wiped out and needed to rest. I would sometimes be crying at my desk and not know why. Then the added pressure of trying to remember everything I needed to teach when brain fog, rolled on in. The increased anxiety around sudden flooding when it could happen at work would leave me feeling low in energy and unprepared. I had to wear dark clothing to minimise any embarrassment due to leaking. At the time I did not realise I was perimenopausal, I thought it was all fibromyalgia. Unhelpful comments such as ‘you are always ill’ from your peers can be unhelpful when you are trying to navigate your way through this.
I do feel that fibromyalgia and the menopause could be linked based on my own experience, but more research is required. I guess talking about it also brings it into the present moment. We do not need to hide in the shadows our journeys may be different but each leads us along the path from maiden, to mother, to crone. I can now celebrate that I have crossed that threshold and joined others to become a crone, a purely transformational moment that went by unnoticed, until now. A crone was often perceived to be an ugly old woman, but standing here now in cronehood I see lines of laughter and life etched onto beautiful souls who hold a collective wisdom and I feel blessed to be among you.
I now support others on their journey to wellness, helping them to heal from the inside out. If you feel you would like to reach out to me, please visit my website.
Authors Note: The Maiden, The Mother & The Crone come from the Celtic Tradition of the Tripple Goddess. The Crone can share similar characteristics with The Hag. For those who read my blog and would like to identify with the masculine, the archetypes would be The Youth, The Warrior & The Sage.
My definition of Cronehood is based purely on my own experience, by choosing to embody the Crone archetype. I welcome in that energy and with it the magic and mystery.
Holistic Fibro Fighter 